You my dear can.

There are times when I think, ‘what the hell am I doing?’ And then there are times when instinctively, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I had a conversation with a friend this weekend about faith, about religion, about my role in the world, about standing up and being counted for perhaps the first time in my life.

Earlier today, I walked along the Thames, past London Bridge and I told my friends how I stood there at three in the morning with no idea of what I was doing with my life. I stood and watched the traffic pass and the water flow as I sobbed, being so lost in the world. I tried to imagine the cold of the water on my body and make it as inviting as I could summon.

How could I let myself get to that point? Why was I so damaged that I had no where to turn to? That all I was reduced to was waste? The most scary thing is that I don’t know whether you can fully recover from those moments. I will always be scarred by that memory, damaged and broken.

I think back to when I was at university, and I stood under a boiling hot shower as my world appeared in greyscale, trying to feel something. Or that time I went to a party as ‘blandman’, dressed in grey because I felt as if there wasn’t anything more to me, my person.

Our lives are shaped by our experiences, and I wouldn’t change the above, instead I’ve grown from it. As a queer, I wasn’t blessed with role models around me growing up. It feels like I only truly know myself, and my identity, in the last 6 months, which is ridiculous. It’s taken me over quarter of a century and I’m only just coming to terms.

With so much pain in the world, with so many issues that challenge the balance of society, with people being hurt for being different, there is work to be done. I resent that its taken me so long to be able to stand up and be counted, but here I am.

If we educate our children so that they understand, if we hold our neighbours to account and correct them when they make mistakes, if we love one another truly for each and every difference we behold, then we will be in a better place.

Instead, we squabble. We have ineffective politicians leading us into chaos. We have divisive media stoking the flames of civil unrest. We have an elite who put their own agenda before that of wider society.

I’ve written it before (most probably), but if it isn’t now, then when? if it’s not this issue, then what? And if it isn’t me, then who?

We each have a responsibility to change the world around us, and so as you read this, as yourself those three questions. If not now, then when? If not this, then what? if not you, then who? Because you, my dear, can change the world. You can make the difference. You will better the lives of those around you. You can do anything.

It’s Queer History Month, when we should take stock of where we’ve come from as a community, especially as this year marks fifty years since the Stonewall Riots. So on top of the questions above, take time to educate yourself – because if schools don’t teach LGBT+ history, we need to make up for that lack of knowledge.

And take that jump into the unknown.